Collection of Priceless Jokes for December 2005

    A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the Driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
     The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new Bathroom scale.
     Funeral Arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

Chinese Proverb: Man who run behind car get exhausted.

This guy comes rushing back to his office, yelling and screaming, and goes to hide in the men's room. His alarmed friend goes in after him and finds him cowering in a stall. He asks what the problem is. The guy shouts back: "The paranoids are after me! The paranoids are after me!"

A cowboy walks out of a bar and a second later comes back in, mighty mad. "Okay," he growls. "Now which one of you sidewindin' hombres went outside an' painted mah horse bright red while I was a-drinkin'?"

Nobody answers, and the cowpoke draws his six-shooter and yells, "I said which one of you mangy polecats painted mah horse red?!"

Slowly one of the cowboys at the bar stands up. He is six feet, nine inches tall, and he pulls a small cannon from his holster. "I done it," he growls.

The first cowboy puts his gun back in the holster and says, "Just wanted to let you know the first coat's dry."

Ole was fishing with Sven in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing. Ole said "Let's go a bit furder downstream." So they did, and they caught many monstrous fish. They had their limit, so they went home. On the way home, Sven said "I marked da spot right in da middle of da boat, Ole."

"You stupid," said Ole. "How do you know ve vill get da same boat next time!"

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.

Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

A man and his wife are sitting together in their living room, and he says to her:

"Just so you know I don't want to ever live in a vegetative state dependent upon some machine. If that ever happens, pull the plug!"

His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.

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From 2003

July Jokes

August Jokes

September Jokes

October Jokes

November Jokes

December '03 Jokes