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"A sense of humor is good for you. Have you
ever heard of a laughing hyena with heartburn?"
-- Bob Hope
Other
Daily Features
in your OnLine Gazette
Traits
of Family Dog
Define
This
For
those over 40 This
day in History
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January
2005
Q:
What's the difference between humor and odor?
A: Humor is a shift of wit.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which
one
should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps
herself
up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before
she can say a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel that
you have on." He even holds up the cash to prove it.
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in
front of Bob. He ogles her gleefully for a few moments, then hands
her the
cash and leaves. Confused but excited about her good fortune, the
woman
wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who
was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining
to credit
and risk with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to
prevent
avoidable exposure.
There
is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark
in the water, so he starts swimming furiously towards his boat.
As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's
scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open,
revealing its horrific teeth, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save
me!"
In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above.
The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say,
"You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not
believe in me?"
Confused, and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's
true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the
shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back
into the heavens. The man feels the water move once again.
As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to
close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its
head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to
receive..."
What's
large, gray, and doesn't matter?
An
irrelephant.
A
sodium atom walks into a bar, looking sad. The bartender asks him why,
and the sodium atom replies glumly, "I lost my outer
electron." The bartender asks, "Are you sure?"
The
sodium atom says, "Yeah...I'm positive."
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