Collection of Priceless Jokes for Mayl '05

Lena's car broke down today on Highway 9 just outside of Clearview, west of Maltby. So she eased it over onto the shoulder of the road. Lena carefully stepped out of the car and opened the trunk.

Out of the trunk jump two men; Lars and Sven in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in history of the highway, according to Chief Fitz Jr. of Grace.

It's not very long before a Maltby police car shows up. The Maltby cop, clearly enraged, runs toward Lena's vehicle, yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"Ya, vell, my car broke down," says Lena, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" asks the constable.

And she said "Vell, officer.. dose are my emergency flashers!"

Gotcha!

Man's dog comes home and has lost his nose.
Man decides to take the dog to the vet. While walking toward the clinic another man stops man with dog and exclaims, "Hey, your dog doesn't have a nose."

   "Yes, I know," says the dog owner.
   Curious man asks, "How does he smell?"
   Dog's owner replies, "Terrible."

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"

The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"

Grace Librarian Nanny Nanny Jonsen (pronounced YAWN-sen) asked the library patron how he liked the book on levitation that he checked out on his last visit.

“Oh, great,” he said, “but I just can’t put it down.”

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From 2003

July Jokes

August Jokes

September Jokes

October Jokes

November Jokes

December '03 Jokes