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"A sense of humor is good for you. Have you
ever heard of a laughing hyena with heartburn?"
-- Bob Hope
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Daily Features
in your OnLine Gazette
Traits
of Family Dog
Define
This
For
those over 40 This
day in History
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October
2004
What do
they call a caveman who has absolutely no idea where he is going?
A
meanderthal.
Grace Police Chief Don Fitz Jr. pulls the Maltby pickup truck driver
over and asks,
"Got any ID?"
And the Maltby truck driver says, "'bout what?"
A
police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I
clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee,
officer, I had
it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
"Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car
doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over
at his
wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for
once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be
thankful your
radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal
radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth,
"Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth
shut?"The officer frowns
and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt,
sir.
That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on,
but took
it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."
The wife says," Now, dear, you know very well
that you didn't have
your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're
driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
"Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
After
hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the
story at school on Monday. Her teacher said it was physically impossible
for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large
mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by
a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will
ask Jonah."
To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"
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