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  "A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heartburn?"

September 2004

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday. Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"

A guy lands at Logan Airport in Boston at dinnertime. 

He gets into a cab and says, "Take me someplace where I can get scrod."

The driver replies, "You know, I've been driving this cab for 30 years, and that's the first time I've heard it in the pluperfect subjunctive."

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. 

She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" 

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

WAITER!" shouted the customer, "This coffee tastes like MUD!!!"

"Well," said the waiter, "it was ground this morning."

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?" 

"Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Grace Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."

"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."

"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.

"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."

What's large, gray, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver, probably from Hollywood Hills, who drove by in a used Mercedes didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

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